Reasons I'm getting off the pump-and trying MDI for the first time - Ever.

Ahhh. Just got home from work. Walked in the door, said hi to the dog and bee lined for the closet to change out of my work clothes and get into my jammies. Its customary for me to do this routine as soon as I get home if I don’t have to go anywhere else for the evening. So comfortable.

Well, I meet with the CDE this week to discuss getting off the insulin pump and going to MDI. There are a couple of reasons for this-

1. The cost. Always high at the beginning of each calendar year until I meet my out of pocket maximum.
2. The adhesive is irritating to my skin.
3. I don’t always like having the visual “announcement” that I am diabetic. It is ALWAYS a conversation piece, whether I like it or not.
4. I don’t want the weird oval/egg shaped tan lines all over my arms/stomach/upper butt from wearing it all summer. The tan lines it creates are stuuuuuupid. Nothing like having white egg shapes all over. Or better- having to put a fresh pod with extra strong adhesive on sunburned skin.
5. I don’t like carrying all the pump junk around all the time.

Now here’s the thing. I’ve never done injections because I am afraid of needles. So two things might happen-

1. I might not be able to do the shots on my own out of fear of the needles.
2. I might not be able to manage my diabetes on MDI, because I use so little insulin at a time and the needles (even the kid ones) only administer insulin in either 1 unit or .5 unit increments. My endo previously advised me I would end up having to let my bg go higher and in turn, have a higher A1c. Because unlike a pump, where I can bolus in .05 increments, I wouldn’t be able to fix “small” highs, since I have a high sensitivity to insulin.
3. I like having the option of suspending the basal insulin when I am low.

So, it’s something I’m considering trying out for the summer and see how it goes. I can always go back to the pump if I change my mind. I’m a little nervous about the venture, because I am used to having really good control of my diabetes since its inception in 2010 and I give most of that credit to having the pump early on, which does most of the work for me.

I also need to briefly rant about my glucose meter. I am currently using a Bayer meter. I have both the Bayer Contour and the Bayer Contour USB. I am only using it until I finish up my remaining Bayer test strip stash (6 more vials). I started using the Bayer meter in October 2011 when I was forced to switch due to my new insurance only covering Bayer products (at that time). I had been using a couple different Freestyle meters for 2 years and LOVED them – everything about them. Extremely accurate, uses very little blood, doesn’t error out if you don’t put enough blood on the strip, and has a light at the test strip entrance so you can test in the dark-no problem. Well, I switched to Bayer by force and have disliked it. Everything about it is opposite of the Freestyle- the strips always error out, they are not accurate in comparison to my other meters (even the ReliOn brand I used for a while was more accurate), there is no test strip light, and requires more blood. Today was another example of why I can’t stand the Bayer meter. With clean hands (as always, I wash before testing), I tested my BG prior to eating a snack, which came in as 80. I bolused for 15g of carb. Literally 3 minutes later I felt LOW. I tested, and the meter read 65. I tested again, it read 60. I tested a 3rd time, it said 60. And my bolus insulin had not even hit my system yet. So I knew I was going to be in trouble. I treated the low with a juice box, then followed up with the snack I was planning to have.

This inaccurate blood sugar reading has been an issue with Bayer since I switched to it. I have been sent 2 different meters by Bayer because the two I had were so inaccurate that I thought they were broken. Too many times I would test- get one reading- then test again right after because it doesn’t match how I felt- and get a completely different reading. This didn’t happen with my Freestyle, at least not enough for me to ever remember or ever complain about it. I loved my Freestyle the 2 years I had it.

Luckily, when my insurance changed last October, it began to cover both Bayer and Accu-chek products. So I immediately switched to the Accu-chek Nano. I’ve had no issues with it. Unfortunately, I still have Bayer strips I need to use up, so I’ve had to go back to the Bayer for a while. I cannot WAIT to finish these off.

I sure wish my insurance would cover Freestyle… Oh well, Accu-chek is ok.

Forgive my rant but I think when you are making important decisions (with your insulin) based on your bg readings, those meters need to be accurate. And I’m sorry to the Bayer meter lovers out there. Your experience may be different than mine.

I haven't been using the Dexcom for while, either. I was wearing the Dexcom Seven, then I upgraded to the new one, the G4 last fall. But the cost is high and I really don't want to wear yet another device. And carry around another device. How many things can I wear on my belt clip before I'm considered a nerd? Anyway, for some reason, the CGM doesn't work great on me at night time. During the day, it works like a champ. But every night, even though I calibrate it according to Dexcom's guidelines, it goes haywire at night with crazy high (wrong) readings. All night, every night. I was turning it off at night and re-starting it in the morning, but it just got to be too much so I stopped wearing it. And again, I don't want the tan lines for summer. I have 12 sensors still so if I have the desire to put it back on, I will. And I have to be mindful that those sensors expire in kinda short period of time so I will need to use them up at some point.

I'm lucky to have these complaints- poor me, my diabetes is so well controlled right now that I don't need the pump or the CGM- wahhh wahhh. I hear ya. It goes in phases, just like yours, where it behaves for awhile. It's been pretty good for a while now, since I switched to the Paleo Diet last November. It made a HUGE difference in my bg trends.

Ok well, I'm off. I have some work to do and I need to watch Mad Men from last night.

Feeling MacGuyver-ish with diabetes.

I know Mondays have the bad reputation of being, well, Monday, but this one really lived up to it. As with every Monday, I hit the snooze button one too many times and was racing to get ready for work (read: no makeup, finger combing hair, brush teeth, out the door). My alarm goes off at 4:30am, but I snoozed until 5:15. This does not leave me much time to get ready and drive to work. Lucky for me, I make my breakfast and lunch the night before!

In my harriedness, I failed to realize that my insulin pump pod had expired at 5:31am, and that I needed to put a new one on. This discovery was not made until I was down the road from my workplace- too far from home to turn around and get it without being late (I work in a workplace where if you are literally one minute late, it is counted as a 'tardy'). I pulled in the parking lot, hoping that an idea would come to me. I didn't have anyone that could run to my place and grab me a new pod (my friends unfortunately have jobs, too). Well, I know my pump will continue to administer the background insulin for 2 hours post expiration. That will take me until 7:30am. I work until 3pm. Hmm.

Luckily, my breakfast was pretty much carb-free. Two egg whites scrambled with almond milk, spinach and tomatoes. No bg spikes should happen there.

Around 8:30ish, bg was still holding steady in the 90s and feeling really pooped from getting to bed late (I am SUCH a night owl!!), I grabbed a cup of coffee from work. I can't drink black coffee; it needs some sort of milk/cream and fake sugar. Against my better judgement, I added milk to it. I can't possibly describe what a huge mistake this was. Let's list the reasons why this was a bad idea:

1. I have a mild milk allergy and an overall intolerance of all things dairy.

2. Milk makes my blood sugar go up.

I fixed the bg problem by issuing a bolus. The good thing with my pump is I can at least continue to issue boluses even after the pump has expired. I decided to turn my boluses into background insulin by by using the extended/slow release funtion on my pump. I did this until the end of the day. I just had to deal with the hourly alarms that alerted me to my pump expiration, which then turned into every 20 minutes (sorry, co-workers, for being exceptionally beepy today). Oh well, gotta do what you gotta do. I felt kind of MacGuyer-ish, coming up with that solution.

Problem #2 turned out to be a bigger issue. TMI AHEAD. TMI. TMI. Okay, you've been warned.

Well, let me just say it like it is. Milk makes me extremely gassy. Not the quiet, stinky, maybe-they'll-think-it's-someone-else kind. More the extremely loud, non-stinky, can't predict when they are coming or stop kind. I sounded like a fake fart toy. Ever seen the movie Van Wilder, the noises that come out of the dude that drank Colon Blow? Yeah, THOSE kinds of noises. The loud growls coming from my stomach were not mistakeable for hunger growls. They were angry growls. My co-workers were kind enough not to come over and ask me what was going on over in my cube. Probably for the best.

I get home, take a probiotic and some Nexium. Go out to my deck where I was drying some clothes on my flat clothes dryer gadget, only to find that my clothes were gone. Not as in stolen, but as in blew in to my neighbors yards. So I walk out behind the houses in my jammy pants, picking up my jeans and bras strewn across the yards. Awesome.

So what did I learn.

1. Keep a pod backup in your desk. When you use it up (which I had), replace it with another back up.

2. NO MORE MILK IN PUBLIC! NO EXCEPTIONS!

Happy Monday!!!

I get tempted.

Maybe it's the change of the season, with warm weather here and everybody running around in good moods, feeling free and happy. But I find that since the sunshine has arrived I've grown inpatient with all the attention I must give to my diseases; I want to run around and be carefree, too. The coming of the warm weather brought with it a sense of freedom that many of us living with diseases don't always get to fully experience.

I've noticed since the warm weather has arrived, I have been a little less type A about my BGs and have not been checking it as often (normally every 2 hours). Even with my celiac, I was SOOOOO tempted on Friday to go to Burger King and get a Whopper- something I haven't been able to have in 3 years- and eat it, regardless of how sick it would make me or the intestinal damage that would take months to heal. There was just this feeling, this URGE, to do "normal" people things for a while, like spontaneously eating out on a whim without having to plan everything out in advance and do the research needed. I miss the spontaneity in life that having disease steals from you.

But alas, I am much too careful and responsible to ever knowingly eat gluten, even if I do occasionally day dream about it. I have never cheated in the 3 years I've had it. And as for my 'betes, I still manage it closely and my pump is reporting a 7-day bg average of 103, so I must not be doing too horrible of a job, even though I've slacked a bit lately.

Last week I sold my dresser on Craig's List. It's all part of a larger overhaul of my life I'm in the process of. Little by little, I'm getting rid of a lot of my stuff; stuff that I don't love and doesn't really fit in my life anymore. My new life motto is Simple And Transparent. Simple meaning not having a ton of crap that soaks up all the energy in my house, collects dust and clutters up my closets, and only keeping that which has use and/or meaning to me. Transparent meaning what you see with me is what you get- no shame or embarassment in who I am or how I live, no more hiding things. Yes, my life has many limitations and anyone who choses to be a part of my life (friendship or otherwise) will have to accept that. I have lived with a lot of guilt the last three years; guilt in feeling bad for putting others through my diseases. I felt guilty that people didn't know how to cook gluten free for me, guilty that I couldn't go out to eat at just any restaurant, guilty that I would have a severe low blood sugar which would make me feel like I "ruined" someone's evening. I felt guilty that I had to subject others to my diseases; that inevitably they affected other people whether I wanted them to or not. Trying to downplay these diseases and act like they aren't a big part of my life when they absolutely are. But then I had a Good Will Hunting moment in my life, you know that scene in the movie where Robin Williams corners Matt Damon against the wall and repeatedly says "It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault." Yeah, I had that moment with myself. It was time to quit blaming myself for getting sick, it was time to quit feeling guilty for what I felt was "inconveniencing" others with my diseases. Because it isn't my fault that I have them. I need to STOP feeling like less of a person, less worthy. I'm not entirely sure how to accomplish this, but I'm working on it.

Overall though, life's been good. I know my blog has been quiet; it was just me taking the time needed to plan the overhaul in my life, meditate, and calmly think of what I want the next steps in my life to be. Sometimes you gotta get real quiet with yourself in order to hear what your conscious mind is whispering to you. It's been a great journey. I feel very positive about life, about my future. It also involved evaluating relationships with people and beginning the process of slowly weeding toxic people out of my life for good. Energy suckers is what I call them. I want to surround myself with positive-minded, caring people. Have you read the book The Magic by Rhonda Byrne? If you haven't, pull up a session of Amazon RIGHT NOW and go buy this book today. It's amazing! I have already read it and am starting over because I read it after my spinal cord surgery when I wasn't really ready for its message.

I have been thinking A LOT about all of you who read my blog, and have felt a pure sense of thankfulness in my heart that there are people out there that care enough to read my blog, and also people that care enough to comment and say something to me. It means so much to me. I try to read everyone else's blogs, too, because there is so much to learn from others going through the same things as you. It just fills my heart with so much love.

I'll be on the blog this week, and *hoping* to be on #DSMA on Wednesday night. Speaking of, does anyone know of any Twitter chats going on for celiacs?

God Bless, have a good week, y'all. I'll be back soon.

A Lesson Learned in an Unexpected Way.

Yesterday a little bird smashed against my front door window. It was loud and sounded like a rock. I looked out the door and saw this little bird suffering, rolling around frantically on my sidewalk, flailing around. Feeling awful, I stopped watching; fearing I was watching its slow death.

Still worrying about the bird, I returned to the window 30 minutes later, to see it sitting up in my flower pot, a foot from where it had been lying and flailing. It sat like a statue. I went outside and knelt next to it, thinking the worst. Is it dead? Did it lose his sight? Is something broken- his neck? Is he stunned or dead? Because even when he saw me, he didn’t move an inch. So I took one finger and lightly once pet him and said nice things to him. Then I left him alone so as not to frighten him further.

I went back inside, drawing up a game plan: What does he eat? Maybe I should bring him food in case he is unable to move or is paralyzed. I began googling what birds like him eat. One website mentioned sunflower seeds, worms and mosquitoes. I had none of those things. So I thought about driving to the store to buy bird food. I also thought about the cold evening coming, and wondered if he’d survive the night. Should I bring him in? Maybe put him in the garage, protected from the cold winds? What to do, what to do. I felt this enormous responsibility to protect him.

I couldn’t stand to see him suffer. Then I stopped what I was doing and began praying. “Please God, please save this little bird. I know he is important to you because you created him. He matters to you. Please don’t let him suffer, whatever his fate is. Please let him be okay.” And sadness covered my heart as I thought about the pain he was feeling.

About 10 minutes later I looked out the window and didn’t see the little bird. I walked outside and knelt close to where he had been. I saw the twig on the ground he had earlier been standing on like a statue. I looked around the perimeter. No sign of bird.

At that moment I walked in the house with my heart filled with awe and love and thankfulness. Something struck me. In that moment, I realized that “I” was that little bird. The prayer I said was about me; it was reflective of my own worries and insecurities. All the fear I have held deep in my heart of having no one that will protect me. The fear that I will go through this life -and all its challenges- alone. Then God showed me that he cared enough about that little bird to save him. It made me think, if God could love a little finch that much, imagine how much he loves me. Me, I matter. He won’t let me suffer alone, whatever my fate is. I will be okay. God has rescued me in many situations, and he continues to protect me every day. I just need to have faith and hand my worries over to God.

It was just the reassurance I needed.

Gluten Free Barbecue Pizza

The other day I craved something carby for dinner. I eat low carb most of the time and every so often I just get that hankering for a little blood sugar rise :)

I found a recipe in All You magazine for bbq pizza. I made a few changes to make it gluten free. You can make more changes if you want it to be dairy-free, too.

This recipe is VERY easy and took less than 10 minutes.

1 frozen Udi's gluten free pizza crust

1 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil

3/4 cup mozzarella or Daiya dairy free cheese(shredded)

1 cup chopped/diced chicken breast (rotisserie chicken would work, too. Use whatever you have on hand).

5 Tbsp. bbq sauce

a little chopped onion

On the crust: Brush olive oil over the surface of the crust. Sprinkle 1/2 the cheese on crust, leaving a 1/2 inch border. Toss chicken with 1 tbsp. bbq sauce. Spoon remaining bbq sauce in a spiral over the cheese on the crust. Scatter chicken, remaining cheese and onions on the pizza.

Bake pizza according to crust directions, which for Udi's crust is only 7 minutes (I use the toaster oven, too, to save energy). Let pizza rest for a minute or two before cutting.

ENJOY!!!!

It's Not Cheap Being Me.

It's a good thing I'm good at budgeting. I'm expensive, and not by choice. Diabetes is certainly a very expensive disease, as you maybe saw from an earlier post, where I calculated that diabetes costs me $40 per day.

Then there's the gluten free diet, which is more expensive in that you can't just pick up whatever brand of food (or generic version) that is on sale; you have to buy whatever brand is gluten free; on sale or not. I don't buy much in the way of processed gluten free foods like bread (which runs $5-$8 a loaf), or pasta ($3-$5 a bag), or pretzels ($8-$9 a bag). I did stop at the gluten free bakery in town recently and saw that a 6 pk of blueberry muffins was $18.75 (I passed).

And now there's the newest addition to the family, the chemical allergies I was recently diagnosed me with, eliminating the option of using lower-cost bath/cleaning/kitchen/hair/makeup products. I finally found the one and only shower gel/cleanser that I can use. I got it at the pharmacy (no prescription needed):



Yep, that's an $18.25 price tag on that puppy. You can bet I won't be wasting that stuff. My special shampoo and conditioner are about $10 each in smaller bottles. And I am now using Seventh Generation cleaning products and dishwashing liquid, which runs about $4 each.

Nope, it's not easy on the budget living with illness. But I'm still grateful to do it. And really, most days it doesn't bother me too much to live a little differently. It just is who I am now; it's part of me. I sometimes feel a little self-conscious; being "different" in so many areas of my life. But true friends will still like me and my family is stuck with me :)

Next Sunday I finish my Financial Peace University class. I've learned SO much and gained so many new ideas for budgeting and saving and living debt-free. I now use the envelope (cash) system for all purchases except for when I pay bills online. You "feel" the money going out the door when you see it coming out of your wallet versus swiping your bank debit card. And having an actual budgeted amount for each expense category has helped so much.

I have an upcoming fun event. I volunteer at the annual Animal Humane Society's Walk for Animals every year. Every year, I'm on Poop Bag Patrol (what a hilarious name for a position!!) I hand out poop bags to all the walkers and get to meet LOTS of different animals. SO much fun. I'm a huge animal lover, if you haven't learned that about me yet. LERRRRVE fuzzy faces. (click on the pics to make them bigger)



And finally, I found a funny greeting card that I bought.. for myself! No, it's not my birthday, but I loved what the card says. It is a good reminder to me to take it easy; don't be so serious all the time and that it's ok to let loose a little.



It even came with a funny fridge magnet with a made-up food pyramid. Oh, I had a good laugh.

I get knocked down, but I get up again (sing with me)

Just when you think you can’t handle anything more on your plate, you do. Just when you think you will never be able to live with chronic illness, or chronic ailments, you do. When you think you’ll never enjoy food the same way as ‘before,’ you do. When you think you’ll never find friends who understand, you do. When you think you can’t be happy again, you are. When you think God doesn’t understand, He does. When you think He has abandoned you, He hasn’t. When you don’t think He is there for you, He is.

If you are reading this blog, it’s likely because you (or your loved one) have diabetes or celiac disease, and you have lived through a lot. You have been to hell and back with your disease. And yet here you are, standing tall, facing another day.

Repeat after me.

I AM RESILIENT.

I AM STRONG.

I AM WONDERFUL.

I AM SUPPORTED.

I AM NOT ALONE.

I CAN FACE ANOTHER DAY.

I CAN FACE TOMORROW.

NO MATTER WHAT IT BRINGS.

I’M IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL.

AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT.

LIFE, YOU CAN TRY TO TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME, BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE MY SOUL.

I AM STRONGER THAN YOU.

I AM STRONGER THAN THIS DISEASE.

I AM MORE THAN THIS DISEASE; THESE AILMENTS.

YOU CAN KNOCK ME DOWN,

BUT I’LL JUST GET RIGHT. BACK. UP.